Fluffing the bush

19th January- Running in 2011- 0 Kilometres

Not really the figure I ws hoping for as I started out on the journey to my first hundred miler. I was sort of hoping I would be well on my way to being a leaner meaner trail running machiner by now, but instead the only exercise I am getting is through a combination of climbing the walls in frustration and my quest to become the fastest stationary cyclist in Hong Kong. I coverred 180k on the bike last week which is ok but nothing special.

I really cannot wait to be back outside but I don't want to risk the foot on the roads just yet. I think I could comfortably double the time I am cycling each week but I cannot get over the sheer boredom of sitting in a such a sterile environment for hours on end. I sit, legs a spinning, staring out the window at the trees (all 3 of them in central Hong Kong) shimmering in the yellow poluted haze. Ah, what I would give to be breathing the sweet soupy carbon monoxide again. The trees have to be nearby as visibility in Hong Kong is actually less than 8k for 30% of the time and they estimate that polution responsible for 90000 hospital admissions a year, and not a small number of premature deaths. And yet I'd give anything to be back out there in it. Odd. Maybe it's because I believe big Donald T (Tsang not Trump) who, in his efforts to sell Hong Kong to investors, tells us that as people live a long time in Hong Kong, we must have the best environment. Sod the scientific research, Don says it's ok! Whoo! Genius. I'm on Don's bus.

I think one of the major drivers to get my ass back outside is my failure to deal with what I can only describe as a culture clash that is starting to cause me a bit of anxiety. The local out and proud approach to nudity in the changing rooms is causing me some minor issues. Not because you don't get naked folks in the changing rooms back in Blightey. But rarely have I seen anyone stand naked, fluffing up their bush with a hairdryer at home. Here in Hong Kong it the standard practice. I can't get over how overwhelmingly proud some of the guys look when they see the volume they have created. And to be fair, there are some impressive bushes down there, I can attest, truly impressive feats of bushdome. I don't know if it is jealousy that generates this feling, my bush just doesn't compare, but it just seems so wrong. I've used those hairdryers for my head, the one sat on my neck. The thought that only moments before it could have been volumising another mans pubes just makes me feel uncomfortable. Even a little quesy.

I'd like to start a mini campaign to stop this practice. There's just no need. Keep it to the privacy of your own home, the unique bond between husband and wife, that's the place for such things. Not the hairdryer that I have to hold alarmingly close to my nose (which is not small). Please, I implore you old dudes of Hong Kong, it's not a sign of wealth and prosperity.

Anyway, I believe the draw for the Ultra Trail Du Mont Blanc (one of the qualifying criteria was a massive bush) took place on the 18th and I've not heard anything, This could certainly be simplifying my decision making on which hundred miler I'll be training for. Fingers crossed!!

So the ometers:

Likelihoodofpassingoutby60milesonamountainandcallingmymumintears-ometer- I'll have used up all my credit by 50 miles

Likelihoodofrunning50percentofthedistancesofotherpeoplewhoblogaboutultratraining-ometer- January 19th- Run 0 miles so far (I checked out Krupicka again, 180 miles... last week. Bloody hell. I have enterred the stationary bike world championships and am confident of placing.
Mondrian was a minimalist. Keep it in art.